


Rage

by Shay_Nioum



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Blood and Gore, Hurt/Comfort, Intense Nightmare, Logan Sanders Angst, Logan angst, M/M, Major character death (Dream), Mild Hurt/Comfort, Murder, Takes place after "Learning New Things" video, Vomiting
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-02
Updated: 2018-11-02
Packaged: 2019-08-14 15:06:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,662
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16494983
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shay_Nioum/pseuds/Shay_Nioum
Summary: There’s always more than one way to skin a cat, or in this case...there’s always more than one way to become heard.





	Rage

_ “It’s about damn time you listened to me.” An ugly sneer lit up Logan’s face as he gripped the tattered ripped remains of Roman’s bright red sash, it had stayed red through everything, it was as red as the blood that was speckled across the lovely creative side’s face like rose petals that had been blown off the stem of its bouquet. “Yes.” That sneer twisted even deeper into Logan’s face, the dark shadows practically etching themselves onto his cheekbones and eyes. “You’re much more useful like this...wouldn’t you agree Creativity?”  _

_ The hissing poison of Logan’s words made Roman instinctively want to lean back, the pain of his knees was already killing him at this point and making even the smallest movement would not only hurt even more, but it would bring about Logan’s rage once again. Cracking open his dry bloodied lips, as his tongue sat in his mouth like a damp sponge of lead. Roman’s words were stopped well before they ever started.  _

_ As Logan’s finger, pressed harshly against his cracked split lips, one of the cuts oozing a steady flow of blood at the action. “Oh hush hush hush. You don’t need to talk to tell me you understand. A simple nod will do Creativity.” The smile that was stretched across Logan’s face like rubber bands pulled as far as they would physically go made his stomach twist and writhe around inside of him, a hoarse whimper bubbled up from inside of him with little to no warning.  _

_ He hadn’t meant to! He hadn’t meant to-  _

_ A sharp stinging pain lanced across his face, and the cuts that had dried up once again cracked open like a deep chasm, bringing forth and scattering his blood in droplets all over his shirt that had already been stained to hell and back. The very action of his head snapping backward sent a jolt of pain throughout his body, and it took every shred of willpower inside of him to not scream To not wrench his mouth open and let out a torrent of pained wails that would only bring forth more pain by the very hands of the one that he had once held so dear...that they had all held so dear.  _

_ He couldn’t bear to look over to the bodies. _

_ He’d already vomited at the sight of those black painted nails chipped with worry, completely dismembered from the wrist that it belonged to. He’d already wailed with grief at the sight of two perfectly tanned hands cradling a heard while the chest cavity remained empty. He’d wailed, cried, and lamented his loss until he lost his voice, until he had become everything that Logan had wanted him to be.  _

_ Silent.  _

_ He’d had it coming he supposed, but not Virgil, and never Patton. Their dark spooky storm cloud, and their literal ray of sunshine. Roman deserved all of the pain he could ever receive, for his harsh words, for his biting insults that had left behind figurative scars, and for everything that he couldn’t do. He deserved it all, but never them.  _

_ His chest drew in one finally shuddering breath as his eyes darted back up to Logan’s, his glasses were cracked, one lens was completely gone while his hair and just about everything about him looked...messy. Nothing like the punctual, puzzle solving, and jam loving nerd that he had known and loved. The crazed delirious eyes that stared down at him said it all and nothing all at once, but even so… _

_ Those were Logan’s eyes, that warm brown. The brown that resembled the earth after a light rain. This was Logan, this was his Logan surely.  _

_ His breathing hitched for a moment, catching on the sob that so desperately wanted to bubble up and tear through his ruined lips. But instead, he reached upwards. Every movement was agony, his torn and stretched muscles reaching almost clawing their way up before he finally managed to wrap his fingers around Logan’s frigid wrist.  _

_ “Logan.” His voice was a ghost of a whisper, it cracked once before he licked his lips. That action in itself hurt as the cuts lining his lips stung like hell, but it didn’t stop him as Logan attempted to rear back only held by Roman’s pathetic grip. “Logan..Logan...Logan…” His chest reeled and heaved as the world blurred before him, the only thing that he could even say made him sound like a broken record as he messily repeated Logan’s name over and over again before his very voice disappeared into harsh ragged sobs that left him gasping for air. His entire body burned with a raw unbridled pain, even more so as he felt fingers as cold as ice run through his short choppy hair.  _

_ It was a tender movement, at least until he felt those fingers grasp it tight, wrenching his head upwards so that he could look back into those eyes.  _

_ Those eyes… _

_ Another sob shuddered Roman’s breath, but it lasted no more than a second as something cold and metal pressed against his lips silencing him in a hurry.  _

_ “That,” Logan leaned in close, his breath smelled of death and decay. Roman almost gagged at the stench, “Is not my name Creativity...I am..” The blade of the knife sliced through Roman’s once perfect lips, and now not only was he gagging and choking on the awful smell but his own blood as well. The tip of the knife trailed gingerly down to Roman’s throat, and the last thing he saw before the end, was those warm brown eyes.  _

_ The eyes of a murderer. _

_ “Rage.” _

 

* * *

  
  


Jerking up from his place on the couch, a sharp unfiltered scream wormed its way out of Logan’s throat. His fingers scrambled furiously across the floor as his glasses fell from where they had been resting on his chest during his nap, grabbing for them felt akin to playing one of the claw games that Thomas was so fond of. As he grabbed them only for his thick black frame to fall from his limp fingers multiple time. His chest heaved up and down as he let his glasses fall one final time, this time he didn’t even attempt to pick them up this time. 

Not as he heard the hurried thumping of feet trampling down the hallways, it all felt so fast and yet so very slow as the nauseating feeling churned within Logan’s stomach. 

_ Rage. Rage… _

The word cycled around in his head as the sickening feeling crawled up his throat like some demented spider, that’s what he had given into, wasn’t it? When he’d thrown his crumpled up note card at Roman’s head in a fit of pass- no not passion. Whatever he had felt in that moment had most certainly not been passion, it had been..it had been rage. Rage was what had made him lash out like a wild animal, it had made him look insane to the others it had..it had hurt someone he cared for. 

_ This’ll happen again.  _ The realization was a sudden but no less terrifying one as he sat their numbly, horror reflecting in his wide open eyes.  _ When I feel too much..it’ll happen again, it’ll happen and it might not be a simple note card next time. When it happens I could..I could- _

His gut churned again, and this time it was more than a simple feeling crawling up his throat, as the images, the nightmare, the memories all rolled around in his head. The bottoms of his feet scraped against the carpeted ground, Logan barely even heard the shouts and cries of his name as he darted away like some wild animal. He knew the layout of the mindspace, and as such it was all too easy to slam his shoulder into the bathroom door, knocking it open before he dove for the toilet. 

The contents of his stomach spilled out all too easily, and the burning of his throat with each retch was only matched by the burning in his eyes. As cool tears trickled down his face, dripping onto the pale porcelain of the toilet seat. Every heave his body gave felt like a scream ripping itself out of his body, leaving behind an empty gaping wound behind as it did. It didn’t stop the tears from coming, and it didn’t stop the barren sobs that wrenched open his lungs forcing his terrified wails to ring around the bathroom. 

He couldn’t stop them, he couldn’t stop them so much as he could stop the others from peeking into the bathroom Worry lit in all of their eyes. 

“Logan?” It was Patton who spoke up first, Patton who’d heart he had carved out of his chest laying it within his own hands. Rage..Rage..Rage… “Logan sweetie, are you alright?” He wanted nothing more than to fall victim to those hands that reached out to comfort him, but even so, he couldn’t help but to flinch away from them the very moment that Patton laid them on his back rubbing it every so gently. 

He didn’t deserve Patton.

“I..” Virgil paused at the doorway, his own frantic gaze taking in everything. But most of all the tears that drenched Logan’s cheeks, the guilt as well as the sorrow that was bubbling over in his eyes. So much of it in fact, that Logan had made himself sick over it, “I’ll go and get some tissues..and ginger ale.” He finally muttered, Patton could handle this for now, but later on, he’d crawl into Logan’s bed in the dead of night and hold him close. He wouldn’t ask questions, if anything he’d wait to be told. 

Even so, his departure was a quick one leaving behind Roman. 

Roman’s who’s fingers twisted his sash in pure concern and distress as Logan rested his cheek on the rim of the toilet, his body shuddering with each sniffle as the moral side continued to just rub his back again and again. He’d never seen Logan like this, he’d never seen him this out of sorts and well...it scared him. It twisted his heart just as his fingers twisted the smooth fabric of his bright red scarf. He honestly didn’t know what to do, he was the prince, the one who was supposed to come to people’s aid and he didn’t know what to do when the person he cared so deeply for was hurting like this. He needed to do something, he knew that much for certain. 

So he didn’t hesitate as he stepped into the small space of the bathroom, fixing a smile onto his face however fake it may be. “Heya Specs, do you-”

The reaction to his voice was almost immediate, almost as if he had been slapped upside the head. Logan jerked his body away from the toilet and Patton as well as he shied away from the both of them, the look in his eyes..it was terrifying. It was the look of someone who’d seen the worst possible monster imaginable and was being forced to stare right back at it. 

“Please,” Logan’s voice came out harsh and whistly, so much so that Roman couldn’t help but to wince. “Please don’t come near me..I don’t..I..I..” Horror dawned upon both Roman and Patton at the sight of the tears welling back up in the logical side’s eyes, out of everything they had ever wanted from Logan. Tears were most certainly not it. 

“Hey hey hey.” Roman softly whispered, crouching down to Logan’s height almost immediately. “Everything’s fine, from the looks of it you just had an awful nightmare buddy. Everything’s going to be just fine.”

Glancing over to Patton, the moral side bobbed his head in agreement. Although the movement looked all too jerky and uncoordinated to be anything but nervous and jittery. The rushed footsteps down the hall and the flash of purple let them all know that not only had Virgil returned, but he had heard it all as well. 

However, despite it all, despite Roman soothing words. Logan’s head jerked stiffly from side to side. 

“No,” He croaked out once again, and for a moment none of them understood. “I don’t..I don’t want to hurt you again. I need..I need to…” Logan’s throat burned both with tears and the harshness of his earlier actions. What he was to say would be absolutely true, whether the three before him knew it or not. They would disagree, but it hardly mattered. He was doing this for their benefit, even if he didn’t like it so much himself. “I need to remove myself from the equation before, I can allow that to ever happen again.” 

A loud clatter answered his words, as the can of soda fell limply from Virgil’s hands, a look of pure terror dawning on his face. “ **No** !” He barked out his voice distorting and warbling, breaking the thin silence that had stretched between them for just a moment after his proclamation. “Logan no!” Virgil sounded downright desperate, as he stalked forward eventually coming to his knees before he crawled towards Logan. 

Just to come to a sudden halt the second that Logan, scrambled back away from him until his back touched the bathtub.

Roman felt his heart drop to his stomach as Patton’s expression crumpled like a paper bag in the rain. They all looked horrified, everyone but Logan that was. “Virgil’s right Logan,” The creative side found the words pouring from his lips as he moved closer bit by bit, his chest twisted and ached the more he noticed Logan sullen but resigned expression. Logan was ready to go through with this, he was ready to commit to it, even if none of them wanted him to. “Logan,” Roman reached his hand out for a moment, noting for a moment how Logan’s eyes darted down to the bright redness of his sash. “Logan look at me, I know what you did was..not intended. I..You are not a bad person, you felt guilty after hitting me with that notecard, and I know..we all know that you meant no real harm to me. So please..please…” 

“Don’t do this,” Patton spoke up for the first time since Logan had scurried away from all of them, his broken-hearted whisper said a lot, but more than anything it trembled with fear. “Please Logan, we can’t be us without you. I don’t..I don’t want to be me without you. Please just..don’t think that you have to do this..you don’t…” 

It hurt like hell to swallow, although Logan supposed that he deserved that as he gripped his knees all the more tighter. For a long moment, he couldn’t bring himself to meet the others’ eyes, he couldn’t look at them. He couldn’t look and be reminded of how he just might hurt them if he snapped again, but in the end, he did. His cracked his lips opened, and for a split second nothing came out. At least until his bottom lip quivered, more tears were welling up, but even now he could tell that these were a different kind of tears. 

At least they felt different to him. 

He sniffled, before rubbing his hand over his eyes clearing away the mess of his tears. “I’m scared,” Logan finally croaked out, his gaze shifting from Roman to Patton, before finally settling to Virgil. “And lost...help me.” 

Understanding finally seemed to bloom on their faces, as they all encircled him. Their warmth wrapped around him, the smell of Roman’s shampoo in his nose, the feeling of Patton’s cotton cardigan against his cheek, and the sensation of Virgil clinging to his side. “Of course,” They whispered, each uniquely different in how they said it, but it still stood to be the same. 

He wasn’t alone, he could and would learn, he wouldn’t snap again, and...he had help.


End file.
